Fiasco of Solitude
Life is like a bunch of broken pieces of glass. We could call them the shards of humanity from the most inhuman aspects of humans. We as humans suffer from greed as it becomes a part of who we are, some more than others. Greed is almost like a sickness or a disease that is very easy to catch but extremely hard to get rid of. Some people have more demanding greeds than others. People may have a strong sort of starvation for love, whereas others may show hunger for money, and no amount of money may ever be satisfiable for them. The nature of greed in humans shows inhuman and animalistic behaviour. We show constant greed for things until we bleed ourselves dry. Such a strange thing for the most important and smartest creatures to do, isn't it? However, as we bleed ourselves dry, we may not even realise that we are killing ourselves in order to gain something so unimportant as compared to the precious life that we already possess. We humans have a strange tendency to realise things when it's too late and it is extremely grieving to watch someone do something so brutal as that to themselves, and not be able to help them get out of it. I cannot deal with the fact that anyone would hurt themselves emotionally, physically, or mentally to attain something worth so little. However, it is very ironical when it comes from me because I have also been a victim of my own judgements and decisions, as I have also been through the tough phases of self-harm, and it is sad to say that once you've been there, a part of you is always going to be there. The darkest parts of you reside within you and they've been so dangerous and lethal that you've seen yourself do things that you may have never even thought you would imagine doing. But, you're not the the only one out there! There are millions of people who had or have become religious victims of their own dark side without even realising it. Some people find pleasure in the religious cycle of pain that they follow, but that is not the answer to any of their numerous amount of problems. Hurting oneself for something supposedly greater only leads to losing oneself and you are far too precious for anything else to outweigh your value in this world. Even love isn't as important as the life that we are living.
Love is said to be a beautiful feeling of ecstasy running through our veins with a rush of adrenaline. Love is good when it is a rush of adrenaline, but when it starts to hurt, it's not love anymore, but rather a burden on an individual's life. The depression that tags along after the love is no more existent, is extremely painful and that is probably why some of us don't even let it go to that extent. Others are just afraid of saying the word 'love' or even trying to commit to one person. However, there are some of us who badly crave for love like that and give in everything to whatever we may think can turn into that feeling of ecstasy for us. Some of us crave for that feeling and there's nothing we can do to stop ourselves from wanting something like that. There are a few of us who don't get the love that we need from home, and we look outside for it. There are some of us who have faced many betrayals, probably too many o even give it one last shot and there are others of us who won't give up no mater how many times our hearts get thrown around, torn apart, shattered, or trashed. Some of us know how to deal with heartbreaks, losses, and grief, whereas the others of us tend to blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong in our lives. The problem here isn't about who to blame or whether we should blame ourselves or not. The problem here is how we react to the situation that has been created and handed to us.
A lot of my friends do not know how to respond o certain situations the way they are supposedly expected to. But again, who sets the parameters for what is and isn't acceptable? We humans set expectations that aren't acceptable for the other societies or the upcoming generations and yet still have the audacity to ask why some people feel the way that they do. It's a life filled with irony! If the president of any place had a psychological disorder, it would be all over the media, wouldn't it? But as soon as he/she pays for it all to shut up or come down, it does.
Some people cannot even afford to buy food for themselves or their families and are psychologically stressed due to the same reasons. Some young adolescents and young kids face depression due to the bullies in their schools or colleges discriminating against race, culture, ways of going about, name-calling, tagging, fat shaming, slut shaming, school participation, family background, financial status, appearance, disabilities, social values, social media - (leading to cyberbullying), and also just victimisation due to "boredom" as some people like to call it. A lot of bullying cases lead to life taking decisions wherein the victim thinks he/she should no longer live a life of shame and rather just die. Some teenagers take spontaneous decisions as such and kill themselves without any consideration of what may happen to the people around them who love them and care for them more than anything else in this world. It's sad how there are so many death cases labeled as 'SUICIDE' around the world but they're all just unsolved and unjustified 'MURDERS'. I know and understand the kinds of thoughts running through the emotionally weak members of the teenage to young adult societies because I've been there, and I've done all the unacceptable and harmful things one can do to themselves. I have been through phases so tough, I've cut myself and tried to kill myself in various ways and I've tried it so many times, I can't even remember. Accepting the wrongdoings doesn't mean that I'm proud of all that I've done. It just means that I got lucky enough to get through it all alive and be out here to tell you my story so that you know that you're not the only one. I will tell my story to as many people as I need to. If listening to my story makes anyone feel better or assures them that they can get through too, then why not. I know that the deep and dark side of me will never go and I wouldn't even want it to ever go because now it has become a part of m, a part of my identity, a part of my personality that I have learnt to accept and live with. It is what makes me Shezlin, and not just any other ordinary person. Everyone has a story to tell, but people are generally afraid to open up due to the fear of judgement but this can be a platform where people can open up all they want to knowing they will be judged and not giving a damn about it, because you are you and no one can change that. You should never want to change yourself for anyone but yourself.
My struggles through life had started at a very young age, and maybe that's why I'm out here as an 18 year old, already telling my story, but there's no one I can blame except myself and my decisions that led my life all the way to where I am today. I am a person who is not afraid to carry around my scars and tell my story to anyone that it can help or anyone that may want to hear it.
~ Shezlin Dinesh.
Love is said to be a beautiful feeling of ecstasy running through our veins with a rush of adrenaline. Love is good when it is a rush of adrenaline, but when it starts to hurt, it's not love anymore, but rather a burden on an individual's life. The depression that tags along after the love is no more existent, is extremely painful and that is probably why some of us don't even let it go to that extent. Others are just afraid of saying the word 'love' or even trying to commit to one person. However, there are some of us who badly crave for love like that and give in everything to whatever we may think can turn into that feeling of ecstasy for us. Some of us crave for that feeling and there's nothing we can do to stop ourselves from wanting something like that. There are a few of us who don't get the love that we need from home, and we look outside for it. There are some of us who have faced many betrayals, probably too many o even give it one last shot and there are others of us who won't give up no mater how many times our hearts get thrown around, torn apart, shattered, or trashed. Some of us know how to deal with heartbreaks, losses, and grief, whereas the others of us tend to blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong in our lives. The problem here isn't about who to blame or whether we should blame ourselves or not. The problem here is how we react to the situation that has been created and handed to us.
A lot of my friends do not know how to respond o certain situations the way they are supposedly expected to. But again, who sets the parameters for what is and isn't acceptable? We humans set expectations that aren't acceptable for the other societies or the upcoming generations and yet still have the audacity to ask why some people feel the way that they do. It's a life filled with irony! If the president of any place had a psychological disorder, it would be all over the media, wouldn't it? But as soon as he/she pays for it all to shut up or come down, it does.
Some people cannot even afford to buy food for themselves or their families and are psychologically stressed due to the same reasons. Some young adolescents and young kids face depression due to the bullies in their schools or colleges discriminating against race, culture, ways of going about, name-calling, tagging, fat shaming, slut shaming, school participation, family background, financial status, appearance, disabilities, social values, social media - (leading to cyberbullying), and also just victimisation due to "boredom" as some people like to call it. A lot of bullying cases lead to life taking decisions wherein the victim thinks he/she should no longer live a life of shame and rather just die. Some teenagers take spontaneous decisions as such and kill themselves without any consideration of what may happen to the people around them who love them and care for them more than anything else in this world. It's sad how there are so many death cases labeled as 'SUICIDE' around the world but they're all just unsolved and unjustified 'MURDERS'. I know and understand the kinds of thoughts running through the emotionally weak members of the teenage to young adult societies because I've been there, and I've done all the unacceptable and harmful things one can do to themselves. I have been through phases so tough, I've cut myself and tried to kill myself in various ways and I've tried it so many times, I can't even remember. Accepting the wrongdoings doesn't mean that I'm proud of all that I've done. It just means that I got lucky enough to get through it all alive and be out here to tell you my story so that you know that you're not the only one. I will tell my story to as many people as I need to. If listening to my story makes anyone feel better or assures them that they can get through too, then why not. I know that the deep and dark side of me will never go and I wouldn't even want it to ever go because now it has become a part of m, a part of my identity, a part of my personality that I have learnt to accept and live with. It is what makes me Shezlin, and not just any other ordinary person. Everyone has a story to tell, but people are generally afraid to open up due to the fear of judgement but this can be a platform where people can open up all they want to knowing they will be judged and not giving a damn about it, because you are you and no one can change that. You should never want to change yourself for anyone but yourself.
My struggles through life had started at a very young age, and maybe that's why I'm out here as an 18 year old, already telling my story, but there's no one I can blame except myself and my decisions that led my life all the way to where I am today. I am a person who is not afraid to carry around my scars and tell my story to anyone that it can help or anyone that may want to hear it.
~ Shezlin Dinesh.
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